


Between Your Eye and Mine

by OddlyExquisite



Series: The Still Center [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: All aboard the Angst Express, Fix-It, Gen, M/M, Qui-Gon Lives, Slash, THAT Scene Doesn't Happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-18 21:10:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5943199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OddlyExquisite/pseuds/OddlyExquisite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Qui-Gon rocks Obi-Wan's composure in more ways than one.</p><p> </p>
            </blockquote>





	Between Your Eye and Mine

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Many thanks to the magical Merry_Amelie, my patient, supportive Beta!
> 
> 2) Fic title from Khalil Gebran's poem "My Love":
> 
> حينما أغرق في عينيك عيني  
> ألمح الفجر العميقا  
> وأرى الأمس العتيقا  
> وأرى ما لست أدري  
> وأحس الكون يجري  
> بين عينيك وعيني
> 
> (Trans. by me:  
> "When I sink my eyes into your eyes,  
> I catch a glimpse of deep dawn.  
> I see ancient yesterday,  
> I see what I do not know,  
> And I feel the universe flowing  
> Between your eyes and mine.")

* * *

 

**Part Three**

 

 

For as long as Obi-Wan could remember, Qui-Gon's eyes had been on him. 

It was a Padawan's lot in life to be watched, from the first day in the creche until the braid was severed upon Knighting. In the training salle, during meditation, on missions, in their shared quarters...Qui-Gon Jinn had always been there, watching. There is no solitude for the Padawan unless it is ordained by the Master. This is the way of things.

Obi-Wan remembered the day after Bandomeer, sitting in the dining hall with Bant and Garen. The table had been filled with other Padawans, giggling and chatting about their day. Obi-Wan had been telling a story about Padawan Tirrth and an exploding toilet stall (which, in the end, was blamed on an odd Force-related anomaly) when Bruck had elbowed him in the side.

"Ow! What was that for?" Obi-Wan demanded with a glare, rubbing his ribs.

"Shut up, Oafy-Wan! Master Jinn is watching!" 

"Master Jinn?" Obi-Wan turned around to glance at a section of tables inhabited by Masters and Knights. Qui-Gon's flaming blue eyes met Obi-Wan's in calm acknowledgement before returning to his conversation with Master Ull'n. (No doubt revisiting the toilet incident a few days ago when Obi-Wan had stumbled home covered in Karthek slime and other unmentionable liquids).

"Of course he's watching," Obi-Wan said, confused. "He knows I'm here."

Bruck snorted, "Yeah, like Master Jinn's interested in  _you_."

"Well I hope so," Obi-Wan replied staunchly, tucking into his soup, "He chose me as his Padawan learner, after all."

"What!" Bruck howled, leaning across Obi-Wan's bowl to see that there was indeed a small braid at the boy's temple. "Qui-Gon Jinn is your  _Master_ _?_ When did  _that_ happen?!"

Obi-Wan remembered the glow of satisfaction at Bant's wink from across the table. She, of course, had known since he had returned from Bandomeer. Meanwhile, he was bombarded with questions from all sides of the lunch table: What was Qui-Gon like? Was he a difficult Master? Did he really do all those things people said about him? Did he prefer black socks, or navy blue? 

...Obi-Wan returns to the present, his smile fading. 

Qui-Gon watched Anakin now.

Ever since Qui-Gon had bought the boy's freedom on Tatooine, Obi-Wan had done his best to act the obedient Padawan, to use duty and deference as his code when interacting with his Master. At first, he had been wary of the idea of acquiring "another pathetic life-form", of taking such a young boy from his mother. Now, however, he realized that his caution stemmed from the darkness he could sense around the boy. They were on their way to Coruscant to meet with the Council, and Obi-Wan hoped that they would tell Qui-Gon what he already knew: the boy was dangerous.

And he did not blame Anakin-- he was only a child, after all. A child who had wanted something bigger than a future of pod racing and selling spare parts. A child who didn't know his own strength, or how perilous it could be.

That night, when he'd led Anakin to the cabin they would share aboard the ship, the boy had shivered and quietly asked for a story. Obi-Wan, pitying the child who had been forced to grow old too soon, had rubbed Anakin's back and whispered tales of heroism and adventure until the boy was asleep. As he sat there, listening to Anakin's steady breathing, it occurred to him that Qui-Gon had been in this very same position years and years ago. Perhaps in some ways, Obi-Wan mused, his apprenticeship had already come full circle. Now he was the guardian who kept monsters at bay.

In truth, Obi-Wan suspected that Anakin's attachment to him came from a misplaced sense of hero worship, or a longing for comfort that transcended the usual boundaries between strangers. Anakin's true affection belonged to Qui-Gon alone, the man who had freed him from that planet of sand and endless sun...

Obi-Wan sits in the galley of the ship and wonders how many years it will be before Anakin looks at Qui-Gon with something more than affection.

 

*********

 

It is night.

_"The Council will decide Anakin's future...that should be enough for you. Now get on board!"_

Obi-Wan paces the cargo hold of the Naboo transport, anxiously tracing the patterns in the metal flooring with his footsteps. He is trying to center, trying to use the designs to calm himself to a meditative state, but he cannot seem to slow himself down.

Qui-Gon is going to give him up.

_"Now get on board!"_

Abruptly, he stops pacing, feeling nauseous.

It was true. It was real. When they returned from Naboo, it would only be a matter of days, weeks, months before-

"Obi-Wan? What are you doing back here?"

Obi-Wan looks up and sees his Master striding toward him, long legs eating up the space between them.

He'd been an obedient Padawan. He'd followed the Code. He'd learned to the best of his ability, performed his duties as well as he could. He wanted to be good enough...he  _thought_ he had been good enough. He'd tried so hard. What had he done wrong?

"I...I thought you'd be with Anakin," he says shakily as Qui-Gon approaches in a whirlwind of brown and cream.

"I came looking for you. I could feel your distress through our bond." Qui-Gon steps closer, but Obi-Wan shies away. "Padawan?"

"You've renounced me," Obi-Wan whispers, intending to infuse the words with all the bitterness they deserve. Instead, they only come out sounding heartbroken and needy. "You're giving me up for Anakin, and..." His voice breaks.  _I will be alone. Masterless. Without you._

"Padawan-"

A flare of agony at the word. "DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Obi-Wan shouts, tears rushing to his eyes and-

\- In the space of a heartbeat, he is cradled against Qui-Gon's chest like a child, shoulders heaving with repressed emotion. His Master's hands gently stroke his spine, patiently waiting out the storm. Obi-Wan buries his face in his Master's tunics, giving voice to the sobs he has been holding back since, oh, it must have been that night of yellow chrysanthemums, years ago...

Qui-Gon whispers into his hair, too softly to hear except through their bond. 

_Shhh, Padawan, I am here. Everything is alright, I am not going to give you up, Obi-Wan, I am so sorry..._

When Obi-Wan calms himself, he pulls away from his Master and wipes his cheeks.

"Obi-Wan, look at me." The tone calls for the apprentice to obey his Master. Qui-Gon's eyes burn into his. "I have not renounced you. My only intention was to affirm before the Council that you are no longer a child, but a true warrior of our Order and fully deserving of the chance to earn your title as Knight."

To Obi-Wan's astonishment, Qui-Gon bows low, long hair slipping over his shoulder with the motion. The bow of equals, from one Knight to another. _I honor you, my brother. I honor your path._

"In nearly every way you are my equal. You have been for some time now." Qui-Gon gracefully straightens to his full height again. "I should have spoken with you before I spoke to the Council. Forgive me, Obi-Wan."

In his childhood, Qui-Gon had been a god; the standard of excellence that he strove for, the very epitome of a Jedi Master - strong in the Force and gentle of heart. Somewhere along the way, the hero worship had faded, transmuted, and he'd become aware of the man behind the title. The man standing in front of him who had silver streaks in his chestnut hair, faint lines at his eyes, evidence of boundless joy; strong of body and strong of mind; the man in front of Obi-Wan would never be weak.

Obi-Wan realizes that he has been in love with Qui-Gon far longer than he'd originally thought.

"I forgive you."

With those words, Obi-Wan releases his fear and doubt.

_...Deep breath in, let the air flow through the body, let it cleanse, let it release anxieties. Replace anger with trust, replace hurt with acceptance. Feel the Force. Find your center. You are the result of the love and teaching of thousands..._

He reaches for his center and marvels at the clarity he finds there. Never before has he felt so pure, so alive, so sure of his place in the universe. He turns to Qui-Gon with a grin and finds his joy mirrored on his teacher's face. His Master's eyes practically glow with pride, affection, and something else that he cannot quite read.

"Padawan."

And Obi-Wan accepts the title, the title that belongs to him now more than his own name does. Qui-Gon steps closer, so close that Obi-Wan can feel the heat radiating from his body. He freezes. Indigo eyes gaze at him so intently that he cannot breathe and all at once Qui-Gon's lips are pressing against his, soft at first and then harder. Obi-Wan lifts his arms around strong shoulders like he's done this a thousand times before, shuddering at the sweet, slow heat that travels his body. He tastes tea and lust and something undeniably Qui-Gon.

Far too soon, his Master pulls away. Obi-Wan is shivering, eyes wide and dark like a midnight sky.

"You," Qui-Gon says gravely, triumphantly, "will be a magnificent Knight."

The Jedi Master walks away then, calmly stepping through the cargo hold as if he hadn't kissed his Padawan just moments ago. Obi-Wan begins to say something, but the words that come out of his mouth are not what either of them expected to hear.

"When did you first know that you loved me?"

Qui-Gon pauses and throws him a crooked smile, "Since the beginning."

 

*********

 

There is no movement. 

He did not know it would be like this, but then, he did not know what he had expected.

Not this ugly smell of cauterized flesh, ripe with the scent of rot and death. Not the utter loneliness, the still silence that chilled him to his very bones. All he could hear was the sound of his breathing, the only proof he had that he was still alive and that this was not, in fact, a dream.

"I went to see Yoda before Tatooine," He says into the silence. He is slowly feeding his own energy to his Master, who lies cold and broken on the floor of the Theed generator complex. Qui-Gon's head is in his lap and he is tracing runes on the man's temples to make the transfer easier. To help him concentrate. Slow and gentle. He does not want to shock this already-shocked body with a sudden influx of energy.

Serenity comes easily now. He did not expect this strange detachment, this numbness.

"I never told you, but I went to him and told him about the visions. About...this." Obi-Wan's fingers brush against silky hair and suddenly he aches enormously for the evenings spent in their quarters in Temple, when Qui-Gon, exhausted after a long day, would ask Obi-Wan to brush his hair. Obi-Wan takes a steadying breath and continues, encouraging the flow of energy to bolster the Jedi Master's weakly beating heart. "He told me not to worry. That the future is constantly in motion, and that prescience only reveals one possible future out of a thousand possible realities."

Was that a slight movement? Obi-Wan stares at the limp body in his lap. Just a trick of the light. His continues speaking, voice low with exhaustion.

"You were never frightened of what I saw. But I know you were frightened that night. When you told me that...that you couldn't want me. You said that it was for my protection, and I know that part of it was. You were afraid of tying me down, of limiting me. But I know, too, that you were protecting yourself."

He did not expect his eyes to be this dry, this heavy with grief and weariness. He did not expect his voice to be this steady.

"I didn't need you to take on the Sith alone, out of fear for me. For my future. You knew..." Obi-Wan nearly chokes on the words, but he forces himself to continue. "You knew what would happen."

He does not know how much more energy he can pour into Qui-Gon's body before he collapses, but that does not matter. All that matters is the heart beneath his hands. 

"Please, I...I want the chance to tell you the difference between being rooted and being tied down." Obi-Wan bows his head so that his forehead touches his Master's. "I need you to live, Qui-Gon. Please."

He does not expect the sudden strength of the pulse beneath his fingers, the sudden intake of breath that is not his own. Wild blue eyes fly open and dart around the room as if they are tracking invisible beings that Obi-Wan cannot detect. When they focus and still, hovering just above his shoulder, he does not understand what Qui-Gon is seeing. With a start, he realizes that his Master is staring at the Padawan braid dangling beside his neck. 

The tears come then, slow and quiet and relieved.

"Thank you," Obi-Wan whispers to no one in particular, holding the struggling body in his arms. "Thank you."

*****

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Well ladies and gents, one more installment to go...


End file.
